Oddverse.com

As ever, real life has been getting in the way of writing. For instance, Mr Twinky (my evil sidekick cat), our friend Colm and I were in a dingy basement bar drinking Veuve Clicquot on Friday night. Apparently Veuve Clicquot is very popular with evil sidekick cats, and I have to admit that it did slip down remarkably well. However, it led on to a late night, an early morning breakfast burger and a radical waste of a weekend.

Some would say that this lifestyle choice is a symptom of a mid-life crisis. But is it, I wondered? Is it? I had no idea until I checked the list. Yes, there's a checklist.

Irritability
Of course I'm irritable. That's because everybody else is an idiot. People on mobile phones crossing roads, the dad encouraging his kid to take his little go cart buggy thing through red lights in to oncoming traffic. I don't think that's a sign of a mid-life crisis, though surely? Surely it's just me being right?

Loss of Libido
No comment.

Fatigue
Can be a sign of anything? At the moment I'm tired, but Veuve Cliquot, a poor diet, a lack of sleep, and the fact that I've been studying all day may have something to do with that.

A drive to be active
Well, I did have one of those. Fortunately, it passed, due to the fatigue. I've not taken up base jumping, or show jumping, though. I do have an urge to run down corridors, leap forward, bounce off my hands and flip over as I'm walking, but I'd probably snap my wrists. Anyway, that's not new, I've been wanting to do that for at least a quarter of a century now.

Stiffness in the muscles and joints
Nope. Which is not bad when you consider that I don't really exercise much beyond walking and typing

Night Sweats
Sometimes. Not a cold sweat, mind you, but a hot sweat usually caused by Mr Twinky's evil clawing in to me. That's not a sign of a mid-life crisis, but a sign of a clingy cat.

Dry Skin
Nope.

Hair Loss
Nope.

Weight Gain
Nope. Well, okay, yes. But again, I plead the Veuve Cliquot defence.

So, on balance, do I have a mid-life crisis, or are these symptoms caused by a combination of too much champagne, the nocturnal antics of an evil sidekick cat?

It turns out, I was imagining the whole thing. It was a combination of it being a long time since I had a holiday, suffering from a minor flare-up of a medical condition identified a couple of years ago (easily treated, fortunately), and a really bad case of trapped wind.

So hurrah! Thank goodness for that.

Unless I'm in denial...